Divorce. Addiction. Cancer. Anxiety. Depression. Blame.
Self-Harm. Expulsion. Anger. Victim. Failure. Judgement. Fear. So much fear.
There has been no shortage of these crippling scenarios in my life. And for a long, long time I blamed the world. I was mad at the universe for putting me in these tough places, these dark holes of seemingly pitless pity and fury. But now, I see so clearly. This hurt, pain, and turmoil was given to me as a gift. I healed me, so that I can heal others.
As a kid I tried all the sports, but nothing ever stuck. I never felt good at anything. I always felt very harshly judged and internalized that as a deep dark personal scrutiny and hatred of others, which manifested the life of a lonely, misunderstood kid. I often felt like I had no control. I often fought with myself over these ego-driven thoughts of judment, toxicity, and ruthless nastiness that drove a lot of my words. I would say something horrible, and then beat myself up over it for weeks on end. This cycle repeated for a very long while.
I left High School my senior year after getting in some trouble with drugs. Two weeks later my world came crashing down when I found out my biological dad had Stage 4 inoperable cancer.
His wife at the time was unable to drive nor consult with physicians so I became his primary caretaker. I survived off of Aderal and pure adrenalin for the next year wasting away to a tiny 70lbs as an18-year-old kid. After months and months of risky surgeries, chemo, and radiation he began to come back to life so, I went off to college and tried to take on the circumstances of a “normal” kid. Needless to say, that didn’t happen.
After graduating, I had a complete nervous breakdown at my first full time job helping to launch a start up that would later be sold for a billion dollars. I was fired from every job thereafter. Bouncing form industry to industry, trying to find a passion or something that fit. My story of being unworthy, no-good, and an all around fuck-up failure began to spiral out of control. You know the saying we’re our own worst critic? I was 1,000,000 worse than Voldemort in my own my mind.
After a few years of not being able to pin down a job, I went to work for a close family member, which ended in heartbreak and disaster after one short year. My father and I didn’t speak for two years after, but I somehow landed on my feet working for one of the biggest brands in the world.
I was finally “successful” in the eyes of my family and others, at a stable, “good” corporate job. I was miserable. Somewhere along the line, I stumbled into a local yoga studio and went back every day for the next year. I would lay my mat in the back of the class and just weep during Savasana. In the coming years, I took two Yoga Teacher Trainings (500hr), went vegan, began to meditate, and develop a full-blown mindfulness practice. I had found this magical tool that allowed me to develop introspection, stare my ego dead in the face, pick apart my crippling defeatist attitude, and begin to heal through so much (SO MUCH) trauma.
As a way to track my “progress” in my Yoga practice I began to share photos on a new platform called Instagram and about a year later found myself with a small following. After one fight too many with the big bad boss, I quit my job, which in retrospect probably saved my life. But I had no plan. Little to no confidence. Just a willingness to believe that I was meant for more.
After almost 10 years shifting through scrutinizing familial and societal expectations, immense personal pressures, and corporate fog, I am finally on my path sharing the tools that saved me: the healing practices of yoga, meditation, and modern mindfulness, and metaphysical tactics like manifestation. All of my life I’ve had this ability to profoundly perceive others, seeing so clearly what they cannot, but never the confidence or communication skills rooted in loving kindness to properly put this gift into action – until now.
It is my life's purpose to bring these modern mindful practices to you and all who seek it.
It is my mission to help you quiet the ego-voice so that you too can move from fear to love, and take grateful guided action in your life.
I feel called to share this reminder with you: you are here on purpose. You are not here to play small. The world needs you and your beauty to shine.
If my story resonates with you in any way, if it hits a chord, or brings up some of your own personal perceived shortcomings, it may be time for you to take the leap on your own personal journey towards acceptance, growth, and manifesting the life of your dreams.
I’d love help be your guide to the other side. You don’t have to stay where you’re at. Change is a thought away.
Let us walk through the darkness into light. Together.
Much love –